Seat 24C – United Airlines
For some reason the fine people at United Airlines don’t like me all that much. I’m not sure where our relationship went astray. Somewhere over the mid-west, at 20,000 ft.
They have given me a permanent seat assignment. This is the 5th time I’ve had this seat in the past 45 days. It’s seat 24C. I guess that I should be honored by the gesture. The seat is lovely. It’s blue, its uncomfortable, and it has very little leg room. It has a fold down tray table. The seat belt works just fine. The best thing about the seat is that it is in the last row on the plane, located right next to the bathroom. I am sitting here in the fetal position, knees in chin. Hey, I haven’t seen that freckle on my right knee since the 5th grade…..ah, memories come rushing back. Thanks for that United Airlines….but I digress…back to the story…..
Now, I had no idea that United Airlines knew that I am such a people person. I left that portion of my frequent flyer application blank. When asked if I was a people person I felt the question was a little too personal. I checked the box that said “undecided”. I love people. I love all kinds of people. And, when I am flying on United Airlines all types of people use the bathroom. And, I get to meet these people as they stand in line waiting to use it. United knows how much I love getting bumped into by each and every single passenger. They say, “excuse me” but we all know they don’t really mean it. I’ve been in the air for about 15 minutes, en route to Chicago. I’ve been ass-bumped by no fewer than 13 people. Butts of all sizes and shapes. Every time I move I am ass-bumped by another one of my new friends. Bump, bump, bump.
I’m loving United Airlines for introducing me to so many people, helping me to expand my Facebook network.
I try to strike up conversations with these fine bathroom going folks. My hope is that these people will realize just how much I love my fellow human beings. I want them to know just how much I appreciate them reaching out with their assess and touching me. In this day and age of iphones, blackberrys, and blue tooth headsets there simply isn’t enough touching between people. This is United’s way of recognizing my need to touch and to be touched. I am an important customer to them.
So, if you are ever on a United Airlines flight, please swing by and say hello. Feel free to bump me on the way to the bathroom and then again on your way back to your seat. I will be here, smile on my face, waiting to meet you and your butt. Bump, bump, bump.
Seat 24C – United Airlines
Ok, the guy sitting next to me is reading a book called “Crystal Structure Analysis for Chemists and Biologists”………
Hey buddy, how’s it going? I work in marketing….I see you’re reading one of the classics…..have you gotten to the part where they crystal splits into multiple pieces? That was my favorite part. I must say that I almost cried when I got to that part. I hear that Dreamworks is going to make the film……there is no way they are going to be able to translate the details of this book to the silver screen. I just hope they stay true to the story line…..
You can’t make this stuff up.
OK -–peace out.
I’m off to Lollapalooza to listen to some Radiohead.