Posted by: yogmoney | February 6, 2009

Why I hate Coldplay

Coldplay

My friends at work say that I have issues. They wonder why I am so passionate in my dislike of a band named Coldplay. I have no concrete reason for my disdain. I love music and my tastes are far ranging. I’d be ashamed to show you some of the stuff on my iPod. But hey, that’s what iPods are for right? It’s for hiding your deepest and darkest music secrets. OK, here’s what I think.

I think that Coldplay is unnecessary.

They don’t have very much to say yet they seem to be trying pretty hard to be heard. Their lead singer is married to a beautiful and very famous actress. I am not going to drag her into this conversation although I do question her judgment here. They have a child named Apple. I am sure that this is a beautiful child. I have nothing against kids named Apple. This isn’t about any actress, her questionable judgment, or a child named Apple.

This is about Coldplay.

I am trying to work out my Coldplay issues. I have to admit when the song “Yellow” hit the scene I was in to it. Out of nowhere my friends in the music business with great taste started telling me that they had found the next great band. I was swept up into the Coldplay-maina for a minute. Were they really the new Beatles? Could they possibly be as good as Radiohead? These are the things that were contemplated in music blogs, magazines, talk shows, entertainment news programs, and gossip columns everywhere.

I listened to the hype. I listened to the music. I watched their music videos. I read the articles in Rolling Stone, SPIN, and Entertainment Weekly. “These guys are amazing”, they all said.

As I listened to the music I started to feel a sense of blandness. I didn’t share my thoughts with my friends for fear of being ostracized. I worked at Starbucks in the music division. Coldplay was our biggest seller. How could all of those coffee lovers be wrong? Double non-fat latte and a Coldplay record. Are you kidding me? Does it get any better than that? Add in a scone and you in for one of the greatest days of your life. So, I kept my mouth shut and counted the money as the records sold. Hey, a guy has to get paid, right?

I kept my mouth shut and I listened. The machine marched on and this bland band became more and more in the public eye. More albums were released. Global concert tour. Sold out shows. Number one albums on the charts.

I ask myself, what am I missing? Is there anything original in this music. If I’m honest with my self I have to say no. Their songs all sound the same. They say nothing. The singer performs with the words “support free trade” written on his hand as if people care what he thinks. (Hey, look at me. I am trying to be Bono).

Here’s a newsflash for ya Mr. Coldplay. You guys have nothing to say. You are a blatant rip off of great bands like Radiohead. You make silly little songs that play it right down the middle. You take no risks. You are a formula. You are everything that is wrong with music and nothing about what is right with it. You take up too much of the spotlight when others artists are waiting in the wings with something meaningful to say.

I don’t like Coldplay. I know that chances are good that you might like them. I am open to the fact that maybe I’m wrong with my assessment. It’s not too late for me to change my mind although at this point the chances are fleeting. I am open for change.

So, I ask that Coldplay do us all a favor. You’ve had your fifteen minutes of fame. In fact, you’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy more than that. While you are still on stage, with everyone watching you, I ask that you do us just one small favor. Do something, sing something, stand for something original. Do something that will make people really take notice. Challenge us. Bring us to a new place with your music. Take a risk or two with your music. I know that you have something to say. So, say something. If you don’t plan to do so, please get the hell off the stage. We need originality in our music now more than ever. And, if you can’t be original then we really don’t need you.

Its not too late for you to become necessary.

http://www.alphainventions.com


Responses

  1. I’ve really tried to like Coldplay but I just can’t do it. They are a contradiction. They take up lots of space, but never actually FILL that space. Big, but empty. Like a convention center, not a cathedral.

    I’m not sure they are capable of being necessary. They are who they are. The Eagles were never necessary, but people just kept buying it up.

    And I don’t think they play it safe, they just ARE safe and pleasant. Harmless, earnest, pretty. A VW bug with a vase and a flower.

    God, I’m bored just thinking of them.

  2. A friend of mind sent me a link to this post after I expressed my disdain for and boredom induced by Coldplay on my Facebook status. Funny story – – I had tried to use iLike and somehow it posted that I had added Coldplay to my iLike list. I don’ t think I did! That was the only band that showed up, to boot.

    Anyway, good piece.

  3. I hated Yellow

    for exactly the reasons you mentioned.

    I mentioned on a friend’s post recently that Coldplay sounded as if Radiohead and Travis got munged through a sewer grating

  4. I’ve recently been exposed to Coldplay via my Pandora radio station (which plays everything but the bands you’ve said you like!) and found that I like the sound of a few songs. But you are right, there isn’t much content there and it’s all fairly similar, at least the songs I’ve heard. I find it strange that some people are saying U2 is worried that Coldplay is overtaking them in popularity because I’ve seen very little PR for Coldplay and know so much more of U2’s music.

  5. I think it is fair not to like a band, I dislike alot of bands – but I think that is mainly because I dont understand them.

    Coldplay aren’t boring they are full or feeling and truth. They are soft rock so I don’t think you should be expecting any dance routine or whatever you call “interesting”. The band that you havent actually mentioned – Chris, Guy, Jonny and Will are a strong team and amazing men. They doubt themselves constently and just want to do better each time – I think thats one of the most realistic qualities you find in a band these days.

    There sound isnt always hugely similar – they have 4 cds and only one front man. Also they are amazing live – kings of leon or so “boring” they just stand there. At lease Coldplay put on a show and have a completely different feel for every song. As men they are amazing and so passionate. Their work is beautiful and it doesnt have to be loud and complicated to be good. Simple is enough.

    • Thanks for the note. the thing that i love most about music is that what one person loves another can hate. i respect your opinion although i am not in agreement with it. i’ve been fortunate that i’ve been able to work in and around the music business for a long time. Coldplay is one of the most over-rated bands i’ve seen in a long time. that’s my personal opinion. having said that, i recognize their global popularity so maybe i am missing something. the point of my piece is to challenge them to step it up and do something more meaningful with their music. they have the attention of the music world and they should use it to help make a difference. if they continue to pump out the same old stuff they won’t be relevant much longer. People all over the world say that in times like these, times of economic despair, that the world experiences a significant reemergence of creativity and art. so, at the end of this crazy recession, if we’re lucky our lives will be blessed with w world of new music, art, fashion, and thinking. My message to Coldplay is that they can either step it up and create some art that will stand the test of time OR are they going to continue to create the forgettable stuff they’re doing now.

      i really do appreciate the comment and as i said the best thing about music is that it makes different people feel different ways – while at the same time allowing them to still be friends.

      G

      • Simplicity stands the test of time, more than anything else. That has been their USP. They play-make simple beautiful music (except a few tracks from Mylo Xyloto, which are far to commercial even as a Coldplay fan). When you are simple, open-minded and friendly, you make friends. That doesn’t mean that you are going against your grain and making friends left right and centre. That being said, their simple music is such that any listener, casual or hard-core, would be attracted to. Sheer simplicity. When millions have gone on searching for The Spoon, Coldplay makes me realise that there was never a Spoon to begin with, metaphorically speaking.
        PS: Chris’ daughter’s name has nothing to do with what music the band make. THAT is unnecessary.

      • Thanks for the note. I appreciate the feedback, and your POV.

  6. I never really understood this whole anti-Coldplay movement. It’s an interesting thing though and definitely representative of the current times. I believe Paul Rudd started the death of Coldplay. I’ll be really shocked when someone comes out and says something about (i don’t know) Radiohead (true or untrue). Would people eat it up?

  7. I am in a rock band and when the question of covering Coldplay’s “yellow” came, I agreed, having not heard the song. And then I heard, I would like to say that the song is aptly named because its absolute SHIT. Then I heard their other songs which was equally shit. They are just like U2, Radiohead, Cranberries etc.. a bunch of lame guys with No Talent. Their fans are usually guys who are losers themselves. Its just the millenium version of bands like Pink Floyd, Beatles, and all those grossly overrated drug bands, no wonder they are lapped up because the world majority is always full of stupid idiots

  8. Yeah man.. I love saying a band sucks when they are way better than me.. when they have written tons of hits.. and I haven’t. It’s so cool man. I love that.

    • Hi mcheck,

      Thanks for the comment. It sounds like you’re a big Coldplay fan. Good for you. I’m sure that you’ll love their new album. I hear from the professional music critics at the LA Times, the NY Times, and the New Yorker that is really bland like most of their other stuff.

      I appreciate you taking the time to share your opinion with me. I really mean it man. I guess that since they are famous, and have written a few hit records that you want me to bow down to their greatness simply because I haven’t written a few hits of my own. I’ve been around long enough, and have been involved with a number of fairly credible things in the music business so please forgive me if I end up not taking your advice and kissing the ground that Coldplay skips along on.

      Thx again. Feedback always welcome.

      G

  9. […] the Chief Marketing Officer of Converse. (On a side note, here’s him ranting about his lack of love for Coldplay.) And what did he do, you ask? Well, simply ‘do nothing’! According to Cottrill, ‘nothing’ […]

  10. Couldn’t agree more. Popular musicians these days are content to just produce something safe and formulaic instead of actually creating innovative art. I’m not saying all music has to be crazy, groundbreaking and original, but Coldplay has always struck me has hackneyed and cliché.

  11. I totally agree with you, Yogmoney! Just because a couple of their songs stroke a chord with the listeners, doesn’t mean that CP is an extraordinary band. They should have been pushing the envelop and constantly taking up challenges and experimentation. Instead, they are deteriorating day by day. The latest song, “Every teardrop…” is silly, immature and outright horrendous! Can really see that they are heading towards oblivion! Won’t be long when CP is all ‘cold’ and NO ‘play’ 😀


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