Sometimes I open up my laptop and just start writing. Sometimes the things I write make a lot of sense. Other times they don’t.
This one is just for me. I don’t think too many other people will care too much about what I am saying here and that’s ok. This one is for someone who has given me a great gift.
Something changed along the way.
Certain things became less important than before.
Something in my mind shifted.
It moved in a different direction.
It ceased remembering things that no longer seemed important.
Clarity, in the midst of a cloudy & drizzly day in Seattle.
I wasn’t meant for this place.
I had made a mistake. Once I got inside and saw the hypocrisy surrounding me I realized that I wanted to be a better man than the people that many have looked up to.
I decided to let go of what once was a dream because it wasn’t a dream at all.
It was not what it seemed to be.
Liars surrounded me.
Sometimes the things you fool yourself to believe in let you down.
Or, they can point you in a new direction.
I was running.
I had been running for a long time.
Restless and unable to find peace, I was.
Suddenly I saw things in a different light.
Allie was there, as she always has been, to show me something new.
She helped me see something I had not seen in a long, long time.
I found it. I had looked for years, searching for it.
Then, in an instant I realized it was right there.
I realized that I hadn’t been looking for it at all.
I had been running away from it.
Peace. A sense of being centered & content.
A realization that it surrounds me every day.
It comes in the form of a slight touch on my hand.
It comes in the smiles of my daughters.
It comes in the falling of leaves, the cool air, the beauty of a quiet walk in the woods with my old dog.
I carry it with me wherever I go.
The voice inside my head reminds me now.
I have found peace for the first time in my life.
I am not going to let it go.
I am lucky, as I have said many times.
I have much.
I lack little.
I have been to wonderful places, met a lot of amazing people and seen a lot of incredible things.
Still there are many unanswered questions. This I know for sure.
Some I will get answered, many I won’t.
I have realized that it isn’t the destination that’s important.
It’s not about checking the box, competing with your neighbor or friend.
Yeah, and this is a cliché I know, but I now understand that it is the journey that makes the person, that molds them into something.
I recently said that I had hope, and I do.
I have something else every bit as powerful and beautiful.
I have peace and I am going to fight to hang on to it.
I have peace.
Thanks to you, Allie.